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HOLIDAY GREETINGS By Mike Gasior I am having a difficult time believing that 2004 has already nearly passed by, but I take stock in the fact that I have survived yet another year. Needless to say, it has certainly been an interesting one in so many respects and I have begun my inventory of the things that will serve as topics from my annual year-end edition. I'm trying not to look and see how some of my predictions for 2004 have panned out, as we will all have the chance to assess that in a matter of a few short weeks. My office staff and I are currently sitting down and setting the seminar schedule for 2005 and I will make you aware of this the moment it is completed. Any questions regarding in-house sessions or having me speak at an event in 2005 can be directed to my office at (860)347-6568. Finally, after my newsletter last month that detailed the $53 trillion liability that the U.S. government is carrying (and many other governments are in similar situations) for the future payment of Social Security, government pensions and healthcare, many people have asked me what they can do in their personal lives to prepare for such a dire future that will surely include massive tax increases and cutting of benefits for retirees. Answering these questions and concerns is what I have decided to dedicate my video commentary to this month. Please be warned that my message isn't any sort of fuzzy, feel-good holiday greeting, but a blunt, direct, slap to the forehead of common sense. You can view the video commentary by going to the home page and looking for the link on the right hand side: That said, for your holiday consumption I've decided to focus on lighter fare this month after all the doom and gloom of last month. I figured you deserved a month off, but we'll get back to all the financial and economic heavy lifting in December. ONE QUICK "I TOLD YOU SO" I can't help myself from reminding you who first told you about the massive fraud that occurred between Saddam Hussein and the United Nations back in my May newsletter edition. Now almost seven months later the mainstream media is finally covering the story heavily and there is a growing mob calling for the resignation of Kofi Annan. If you want to remind yourself of the facts and figures, you can view my May newsletter where I named all the names at the following link: http://www.afs-seminars.com/brainteaser_May2004.html THOSE HORRIBLE HOLIDAY UPDATE NEWSLETTERS Well, this is the time of year when I begin to dread the onslaught of those bogus holiday letters from all sorts of folks who seem to believe I'm actually concerned about every minor incident that took place in their lives during the previous 12 months. It isn't any particular interest of mine that little Mary graduated high school this spring, that Dad made a hole in one, that Mom is now taking pottery lessons or if their family REALLY enjoyed the vacation in Hawaii. You know these families usually, and it has struck you that these familial missives often seem to be just sharing the glossy moments of the past year. No doubt, the holiday letter would make for fabulous reading if it would only include some of the moments and information the family wasn't excited about making public. Like how little Mary found out she had gonorrhea when she went in for her abortion during the second semester of her senior year. Or maybe how Dad is really concerned about an SEC indictment for his participation in the big accounting fraud at work. And Mom is really loving the pottery lessons because the instructor is a handsome young man who usually breaks Mom's pots after class. Finally, financing the Hawaiian vacation has used up the last of their home equity line of credit, pushing their overall net worth to a negative million dollars. See what I mean though? Wouldn't a mailbox of letters like that one just put the biggest smile on your face ever? With this in mind, I have decided to share with you readers some of the holiday updates I have already received. Obviously, I am extremely popular and on a vast number of people's mailing lists, so I am lucky enough to get these letters from a wide array of different folks. I'm certain they won't mind if I share them with all of you, so here goes. ************************************************************************** Greetings My Fellow Americans! It was quite the year filled with many positives and negatives, but I still believe that hope IS on the way. Among the positives for 2004, there was much travel and I met lots of new people this year. Also positive is that I am pretty sure I will never have to go to Ohio again as long as I live. It is a comfort to know that I received the second most votes for president ever, although it pales a little to know that I also got the most votes against me in history. Luckily, I have always seen the glass as half full. The bad news is that Theresa and myself won't be moving into that larger home in Washington as we had originally planned. I must also admit that I am already missing all the bodyguards, limos and the private jets. On the bright side, my wife says that she will buy us an even BIGGER house than that one on Pennsylvania Avenue and that I can borrow her bodyguards, limos and planes anytime I want. I hope your holidays are as wonderful and relaxing as mine. We will be spending ours at a wonderful spa in Bali where I can spend some time windsurfing and renewing my Botox commitments. Have a Very Merry Kerry, John Kerry ************************************************************************** Hello All, And greetings to everyone from a "very good place". Imagine yourself in the solitude of the West Virginia wilderness with the lovely Shenandoah Mountains painting a majestic backdrop, and you begin to get a sense for the relaxing setting where I will enjoy the holidays this year. While not as hustle, bustle as the Big Apple, I am enjoying the serenity of a more laid-back existence here with my new friends and this newfound, slower pace of life. It is a true communal experience where all of us get to work, sleep and recreate together. We even get to sleep together in one big room, which makes it seem like a big pajama party every night. I feel like I'm back in college! Also refreshing is an almost complete lack of decision making on my part. Others now decide when to get up, when to eat, when to shower and when to go to sleep. This is such a complete departure from the norm, where it would be myself giving such instructions. It is refreshing to mingle and share with others who do not share your economic background and who you are outside doesn't matter. As far as I know, I am the only one of the group with a nine figure net worth, but here that counts for nothing. All that really matters is how many cartons of cigarettes we can each get at the commissary. I have even found a way to begin building my own personal stock of cooking supplies. My hosts have become aware of me using my undergarments to hide these things to get them back to my bed, but I have learned how to hide a jar of paprika that will only be revealed by a full body cavity search. If they spring one of those on me, I will feel like I'm REALLY back in college. So happy holidays to you and yours. The Hostess with the Mostess, Martha Stewart *************************************************************************** Yo Yo Yo! Waz' Up? Tis the season to send a shout out to my peeps and wish everyone a hip-hop holiday season. Well, even with all the recent hassles with the commish, I wanted everybody to know that it's all good with me. Sales of my new rap album might have started out kinda slow, but I plan on spending my unexpected time off promoting the CD and hope for a big finish. In the meantime, I'd definitely like to thank both of my fans who bought the record and bein' down with me. I know lots of people are disappointed with the little bit of confusion that happened in Detroit a few weeks ago, and nobody's more disappointed than yours truly. After all, it IS all about the Benjamins and I'm going to be missing about 7 mil of 'em. And lots of folks think I shouldn't have gone into the crowd there in Detroit, but that's an easy thing to say since people don't know how it feels being in a situation like that. I mean, if you were me, who are you going to fight with? Ben Wallace? Have you seen the size of that dude? No man, I'd much rather go nail that fat, drunk 40 year-old dentist in row F then mess with Ben Wallace. Besides, I need to protect my stylin' good looks for promoting my record on MTV. So I hope everyone is chillin' and buying my album for all the loved ones for the holidays. Peace!! Ron Artest *************************************************************************** Good Evening, Although views may differ regarding how the past year has treated me, I will be honest and say that 2004 was as big a stinker as a rodeo cowboy's boots after the bull riding championships in Waco during the rainy season. Gosh, if the past year were a large-mouth bass, I'd be throwing it back faster than the winner of the greased pig contest at a kosher hoedown. While many think that the reason for my announced retirement next March was driven by the now infamous coverage of, then lieutenant Bush's National Guard service during the 1970's, this reporter continues to stand by the facts surrounding the story. It may be difficult to confirm precisely what Lt. Bush did, or did not do during his time in the Guard, the documents in question needed to be exposed to the light of day regardless of their veracity. Indeed, CBS has gotten independent confirmation from experts who can verify that there were National Guard units in 1972 who had been issued IBM ThinkPad laptops capable of forging these documents. So this reporter continues to stand by his story. My retirement from the anchor desk next spring does not mean you have seen the last of me. As a correspondent for both 60 Minutes programs you can be assured of seeing video of me hanging off lampposts during major hurricanes and wearing my flac jacket and Kevlar helmet wherever in the world gunfire may be occurring. And that's the news. Happy holidays and have a very good New Year. Dan Rather *************************************************************************** Greetings Zionist Pigs While the year has been more quiet than many in recent memory, I have spent much of my time doing what the satanic, American population might call "cocooning" in a brand new cave in the Pakistan mountains. Although there is an occasional U.S. Army Special Forces platoon constantly trying to "drop in" unexpectedly, I have still made much progress in decorating my corner for myself, and my favorite goat companion. The new cave, while offering much in the way of privacy, offers very little in the way of plumbing and I can't quite get the goat to use the outdoors for her "business". So the smell can become quite wrenching and another move is currently stalled due to the aforementioned U.S. Army Rangers. Luckily, I must use the same corner of the cave that the goat does, so hopefully she is equally aggravated at my odors. Although much of my time has been spent connected to a dialysis machine in my cave, we continue to try and organize our many plans against the infidels in all corners of the world. I also wanted to send special holiday greetings to our very dear friends and colleagues at Aljazeera as well as my new best bud, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. So I wanted to wish you all death and suffering during this glorious holiday season, and that you burn in eternal damnation all while I wait to meet my 21 virgins in heaven with Allah. Of course, I will take the last 21 virgins after I have sent every hopeless, desperate 20-something to meet theirs before me. Sincerely Yours, Osama ************************************************************************* TOP 500 SONGS OF ALL TIME Since Rolling Stone magazine just released an issue containing a list of the 500 greatest songs of all time, you pretty much knew that I would need to make some comments regarding it. To be totally sincere, I really couldn't find much fault with the list. Clearly, choosing the "best" movies or songs is always a subjective exercise and open for plenty of debate. But I have included the top 25 of the songs, as listed at Rolling Stone website, and I can't argue too much that these aren't the best 25 songs. Perhaps you could argue the order, but all are terrific tunes. Truthfully, it is a wonderfully nostalgic trip if you go out and get yourself the magazine and peruse the rankings as well as the little write-up about the background regarding each of them. You will immediately find yourself saying "Wow, that was a great song and I hadn't thought about it in a long time." Here is the list of the Top 25: 1) Like a Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan - 1965 Another interesting list is the one showing the acts with the most entries on the list. Here is that group: The Beatles - 23 It was no surprise to me that the only current acts to make that list were U2 and Prince, and even more fun to consider that U2 is in the company of Jimi Hendrix and The Beach Boys, and Prince with Led Zepplin, James Brown and Chuck Berry. You also have to remember that Prince wrote "Nothing Compares to You", sung by Sinead O'Conner that made the Top 500 as well. YOUR MONTHLY BRAIN TEASER In keeping with the lighter fare/music theme, I've decided to go for a musical brainteaser, and it's a two-parter at that. Try to give it a good effort before bailing out and peeking at the answer. One of the answers will not surprise you AT ALL, and the other one should only be mildly surprising. With that in mind, though, you really do have to think about it since there are probably many answers that would make sense. So here goes: For both questions, the number of albums sold is U.S. sales only, according to the Record Industry Association of America and includes solo, duo and group sales. Question One: "Who is the only woman artist in the Top 10 of all-time album sales?" Question Two: "Who is the only woman with an album in the Top 10 best selling albums of all-time?" http://www.afs-seminars.com/brainteaser_Nov2004.html And the answer to LAST month's brainteaser is: The top 10 companies who spent the most on advertising during the first half of 2004 are as follows: * Verizon - $730.8 million Copyright 2004, Michael Gasior. All Rights Reserved. |
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November
2004 Newsletter
